Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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