a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
