Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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