Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize