party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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