i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I love having hate sex.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Panties = found
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
