We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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