wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
