I have demons in me.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
