He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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