dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
