if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
