I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
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