Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Randomize
