whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
