So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
