Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
