Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
