Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
