he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
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