I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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