Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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