I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
