I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
why do cheetos always look like penises
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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