Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
