Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize