Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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