So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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