I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
