I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
