I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
