Sponge bath it is.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
