You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
