Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
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