You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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