he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
