I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
