Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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