i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
