I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
There's always time for handjobs
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
