i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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