You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
