yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
