I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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