Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
