he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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