Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
