i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
soo... how was my night?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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