pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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