get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
