just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
