do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
