Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Randomize
