I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
