Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
