Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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