she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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