And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
