Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I need to align my fucking chakras
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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