wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i would punch a child for taco bell
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
