I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
