she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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