My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
