i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
