I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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